kindred spirit

Life coach Fiona Arrigo describes her retreats as ‘using basic wisdom to create a place of nurturing, a nest to rest in like any retreat, somewhere that stops the outside noise.’ The exclusive retreats combine a balance of life coaching and energetic and physical bodywork. based on what she describes as ‘lifting the individual's life force.’

‘Gone are the days of pounding your chest and walking on hot coals and goal-getting,’ she says. ‘This programme is about the rhythm of life and our understanding of that. Relaxation plays a big part, because stress is most often what causes us to lose sight of our own rhythm. If we have got lost, emotionally, physically. spiritually, there are things that need to be assisted to help ease that memory back.

‘We are not doing anything that is ground-breaking where people leave on a high, in fact I would be very antithat. What I'm looking for is people to leave with a better way to live daytoday. which to me is the essence of life. The ultimate goal is that they leave with themselves and not some half-formed or unrealised version of that.’

Three core treatments are offered, along with life coaching with Fiona: Five Element acupuncture, a vibrational medicine called Phytobiophysics (a complex and deeply individualised treatment that tracks the history of the body), and a particular form of biodnamic bodywork.

Other types of bodywork apart from these three main treatments include: shiatsu, watsu, a deeply nurturing treatment where the practitioner cradles the client and moves and stretches them in the water (see Kindred Spirit issue 30), deep tissue massage, bliss therapy, yoga, Pilates and meditation. It is the high quality of the therapists that makes the work profound.

A Human Design consultant is brought in for some clients. Fiona works with high nutrition and she has a residential medical doctor, an addiction counsellor, and a psychotherapist, so each client gets the support they require. This includes those with a precarious mental health history, as the team can handle those needing a specific drug protocol.

It is vital that anyone setting themselves up as an exemplary life coach is personally qualified to do so. There are those who call themselves a "life coach" based on qualifications alone. Fiona's grounded wisdom has been honed due to her resolute ability to do her own inner work. The depth of her own exploration enables her to see beneath social masks and conditioned, behavioural smokescreens to uncover her client's unique essence. It's an intense feeling to be revealed intimately, often for the first time, and not always a comfortable experience.

But Fiona has a compassion and a gentleness that balances any discomfort that can accompany the shedding of skins. Her style is not confrontation through bullying but empowerment. She says the power of her programme is its gentleness, but that doesn't mean it's not intense — it can be, but in a yin way, as water polishes the stones on a river bed.

nurturing retreats

These retreats are not inexpensive. The programme — which can be a weekend. a week or ten days — works with the recognition that every person has a unique "life pattern", and entails offering each guest a personalised treatment schedule developed for their specific needs. The best therapists are brought in from all over the UK and abroad, to treat a guest accordingly. Thought is given to privacy and the ethos is to provide a safe environment to allow changes to process in a natural way.

‘I have been amazed with the results that we have achieved and how people have reacted — we have seen some incredibly powerful changes in people, and it is so rewarding to hear clients tell me that their lives are so greatly improved or even completely regenerated,’ she says.

Despite being friendly and known for her humour, Fiona has a powerful presence. lnauthenticity to Fiona is like a red rag to a bull and she has a reputation for reaching unconscious underlying self-destructive patterns that no one else can penetrate — essential to help those whose "silver tongue" or emotionally manipulative nature has enabled them to side-step real change in their lives. For many people this retreat is a last resort, and Fiona will not fall prey to game-playing.

She says: ‘I like the idea of someone who walks the path with you and helps you up when you fall.’ Fiona's work loes not end in a session but continues with support in all areas of a person's life to help achieve the meaningful results. ‘I am interested in life coaching because it's about supporting the life system. The system I'm offering is supportive and multi-faceted, which looks at all areas of a person's life to bring it in to balance.’

Going out of balance is a common malady. ‘Life gets too busy — we spend most of the time rushing around in a state of panic and fear because we feel we have too much to do and we don't know what to do first or where to go.’

Fiona has 18 years of experience and sifts the most effective treatments, providing an individual programme. Life takes wisdom and this programme is about synthesis, naturalness and wisdom, all from a practical approach.

who needs it?

People come for different reasons: depression or anxiety, addiction, family problems or relationship issues. Clients range from stressed-out corporate financiers to those seeking answers on a committed journey of self-knowledge. Some are people who are emotionally upset, others have been ill or want to change recurring patterns in their life.

Are there any types of client she would not take on? ‘I would say that we would not be suitable for people who are in the early stages of serious drug detoxing; we are not promising cures for anybody who has a life threatening disease. What we are offering is greater knowledge of self and body intelligence.’

The retreats are held on a lovely estate in Somerset with views over the hills. Clients stay in their own cottage or the main house with no more than six staying at any one time. The setup is all about nurturing and pampering and has everything from luxurious soaps in the bathrooms to the finest bed linen. Above all it is a cosy and private "home from home". There is also aftercare when they leave. As Fiona says: ‘It is key that people don't feel abandoned. We follow up with our diet sheets and nutritional support. There is a follow-up programme they can attend after six weeks and they are referred to consultants to meet their needs.’

limits of perfection

Fiona is a single parent with two children, who balances work and family with her inner life. ‘I am lucky in that I have some wonderful friends and people who help me and have made an incredible difference to my life. I just try to be honest with what is going on and I have come to believe so much in not having to be perfect. Every day is organic with my children — some days it works, some days it doesn't.

‘When you learn to trust life, things unfold naturally, so some days everything seems convoluted and some days it's very open and you meet peacefully what is happening. I am exactly the same with my life and with my clients — there's no separation there.’

Managing stress is not an easy matter. ‘It comes down to how accepting you are of your life,’ she says. ‘Acceptance is a process. One of the things I had to find, and am still finding, is the understanding of safety and trust. There are many aspects of life that are mysterious and we cannot control them, we must surrender to them. You handle stress without doing 55 yoga positions, 100 nostril breaths and drinking herb tea, by learning to relax inwardly and accept yourself. It is a process of becoming spiritually, mystically and practically aware. There is no such thing as perfection, there is no need to be right and the more we can embrace our failures as part of life, the more inwardly calm and accepting life becomes. Our depth is in our humanness.

‘One aspect of my work with clients is to help normalise the anxiety and the fear of the day. Being on the path, stress, anxiety, loneliness, sadness, heartbreak, is all normal. Just as my teacher taught me, our pain often tells us that we are the only ones this is happening to, like I have recently seen with my seven-year old who was inconsolable over a lost kitten. It's all part of the sweetness and hugeness of life, but if you don't know that, you take it all into your guts and stomach, backed up by all our inherited ways of thinking. This is often what needs to be re-programmed.

‘I am interested in ancestral patterning and in genealogy and family of origin material as much as I am interested in the spiritual psychosyntheses; there are so many different parts in each of us. A good teacher will open up all these parts, helping you live a balanced and steady path.’

uniqueness is empowered

The retreat's reputation is growing. She was featured in the Sunday Times' Style magazine after giving the journalist Sally Brampton a weekend that changed her life.

Fiona spoke about her specialised training: ‘Part of my training was in esoteric psychology which concentrates on the essential you, not the programmed you. Everyone approaches and sees life differently, yet the miracle is that we are all doing this. It is very important to recognise one's own individuality and to nurture it - that comes from self-learning: to know who you are, your skills, your potential, your likes and dislikes. I believe we have to understand our primary ego in order to let go fully, as westerners.

‘If something is incomplete, life asks for resolution. We are all different and that difference is precious. Unless you have somebody who recognises you, who sees your potential, your essence, and takes time to draw that individuality out, finding what suits you can be hard. I like the blend of mysticism and practicality.’

life is the greatest teacher

‘I work a lot in communication and intimacy, helping people to find simple ways to begin to clearly communicate the essential truths about themselves and helping them to see that these truths have a right to be in the world.’ Fiona's message to people who are trying to understand themselves better is simple: ‘Take your time, and be easy on yourself — allow yourself to be taught by life. I like the idea that life opens us up, it's our greatest teacher. A guide to hold your hand can ease that path - that's where we can come in.’

from Kindred Spirit
reproduced by kind permission